Tuesday, July 05, 2005

softballz

Dudes of softball,

Joel's excellent game summary re-introduced to the Buttermilk softball league a conundrum nearly as old as the league itself, and only slightly older than my acquired taste for post-exercise bloody marys: which team was the Brooklyn Bodegas and which team was the Blue Jeans on Fire? I'll leave it to the literary critics to glean the answer from the text of joel's posting, but in terms of settling the dispute of who actually won the game, I'd like to introduce a standard that we might want to consult after every game: whomever Scott Snelling hits the most homers for, wins the game.

On to more important things. Like who wins the first installment of Buttermilk Softball fashion watch!? We might want to call these the Jeff Ciprioni Memorial See-Through Pants Awards. Here we go!:

Best Use of Matching: Obviously it was Jessica Roake. Did she just wake up on Sunday and say to herself "lets see, what could I possibly wear with my incredibly cute shocking yellow, green and red shirt? Hrrrrmmmm....oh maybe these Asics track shoes with the exact same color scheme!" Inspiring, Jessica.

Best Use of a Threadbare Wipers Rock Tee as Softball Jersey: Carlos Salazar.

Least Practical Softball Uniform: David Roth came through big in this category with his polo shirt, expensive jeans and very, very dark aviator sunglasses. He looked so dapper, dignified and unprepared for physical exertion he could've been a member of that late-70's White Sox squad that sported all-black uniforms with lace-up jerseys and (literally) six-inch, white collars. Dave, it doesn't matter if you can't see the ball through those shades, you looked sharp doing it.

Smallest Glove: As per usual, this one goes to Scott "Toe" Snelling who on the day he was discovered by an Orioles scout in the Louisiana bayou at age 17, playing barefoot with a milki-carton for a glove, hit 4 homers left-handed, 4 right handed, and threw a no-hitter. (It would've been a perfect game but someone reached on an error.)

Best Shants: Steven, who barely beat out Yours Truly with his sheer number of zippers and pockets, and inability to keep them from falling down. Color me humbled.

Any comments, corrections, or additional categories are welcome. We wait on the debut of the slick-fielding, polyester clad Ciprioni brothers with bated breath.

1 comment:

Joel said...

The identity of the Jeans on Fire and the Brooklyn Bodegas is as old as time itself.

Here's what I remember: In the early seasons, the monicker Bodegas Unidas de Brooklyn (the full name, but still shorter than "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim") typically fell to whatever team Jim and I were on. Blue Jeans on Fire tended to be Sam's team.

This system crumbled around the time that it became painfully obvious that Jim and I could no longer field a team, while Sam could fill out both benches with a couple of phone calls to the Carleton Alumni Association.

In recapping this week's game, I decided that the winning team was the Bodegas beause a) they rarely win and b) they were on the home team bench, which is typically where I found myself playing for the Bodegas.

A judgment call, in other words.