Monday, July 11, 2005

I Heart Jeff Brantley

I'm not going to sit here and deny that a slick double-play or two wasn't turned on Sunday afternoon, or that Aris didn't walk off the field with a slugging percentage of just under six blablillion. But the status of this blog as a news service would be a gol-damned sham if we didn't award play-of-the-game to Alex Darcey for his dramatic dollar Hi-Life move from behind the bar. Those who skipped out on the late innings (by that I mean those innings beginning at 6pm on 15th and 6th) not only missed me artfully suckering Jeff C. into a Double-vertical Checker Jammer during our heated Connect Four best-of-three series (not sure if that's the official name for the move), they also missed Alex gracefully serving up chilly brews for a price that even underemployed midwesterners could call remarkably generous. Its not every day that we're treated to such sublime athleticism. I say: Suck it Jeter: Alex Darcey is a true champion.

In fashion news, David Roth showed up in regulation Buttermilk apparel, and it was left to Jeff Ciprioni to throw down the uncomfortable-looking pants gauntlet. He didn't look half-bad neither, in those pretty tight Wranglers, lacing line drives and booting grounders like he was David Wright all gone country.

Longball slugging Aris' piercing blue eyes, Randy Moss ponytail afro and take-charge outfield demeanor had the ladies in a thrall, while Courtney Martin's slayed the fellers with her trash talk and startlingly unpatriotic tank top (Talking Point: does "Bush is WAC" mean that Courtney Martin is with the terrorists? Warning: she may also believe in global warming and/or know a homosexual) but...

...the most daring style move of the day unquestionably belongs to Jasper J. Musil, age 6.5 months, who not only provided astute game commentary in that grizzled Brooklyn accent he so loves to affect when he wants you to know he's being serious, but also stepped onto the scene in a navy-blue onesy and NOTHING ELSE! Audacious, Jasper.

Finally, I know you all have been closely following may mid-game batting stance adjustments. I'll just inform you that after spending some kinda drunk quality time watching "Baseball Tonight" late last night, I've decided to go with a closed stance. Apparently this has done wonders for Jason Giambi. More on this in the coming weeks.

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